"I'm telling you, it was Hernán Cortés who explored Mexico, and raped, plundered and pillaged the Aztec."

"Then who invaded New Mexico, Mr. Historian?"

"Francisco Vázquez de Coronado. You'll never win at Jeopardy."

"I like 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire.'"

"And Juan Ponce de León traipsed through the Everglades, exterminating the natives with smallpox. Common knowledge. Hernando de Soto explored the southeastern United States."

"And then they named a car after him. And they named a town in Colorado after Cortes, and Fender named a guitar after Coronado. A town in Florida is named after Ponce de León."

"If you don't know your history, you'll never win at 'Deal or No Deal.'"

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