My name is Mac. I am not packing heat. I do not use any kind of explosives or grenades. I do not engage in wiretapping, witness tampering, identity theft, and I do not pay any informants to access confidential police reports.

I have never been the subject of a piece for "America's Most Wanted," and I have never been convicted of racketeering charges. I had nothing to do with that wise-cracking, double-crossing dame. I never met her, and I don't know what she is talking about.