In our house, we are not vulgar barbarians. We follow the established rules of decorum that Sue taught us (except for Mac's blatant faux pas here of standing on the table).

We have learned civility and that all of society benefits when its individuals are compassionate and understand the concept of "sharing." We are not allowed to maim anyone whose turn it is to get the cheese.

Sue taught us how to behave with gentility and composure, the way she learned when she grew up, back when Genghis Khan raided China. What I don't understand is, why doesn't Sue take her own advice? Have you ever seen her eat?

It's like a one woman pie eating contest, and she's afraid she's going to finish second. It's like she thinks the pizza is still alive, and she has to maul it before it escapes. Talk about vulgar! It's the most despicable display of Neanderthal tooth and claw snarling since the first troglodytes clubbed each other over red meat.

I rise above her petty foibles, though, and am grateful for the holidays when she exercises the concept of sharing.